I had the wierdest experience at work the other day. It wasn't really weird, but it threw into sharp relief the difference in how I interpret information and how other people view the same information.
I was talking to a co-worker about something, and she mentioned that our COO said something about the case, basically that we shouldn't offer job coaching which is the current plan. When I heard that I thought we should talk to her about her concerns because it might point out other issues that we hadn't thought of yet. The co-worker, on the other hand, felt really attacked and scared. She couldn't say anything because it's the COO and basically we're so low we can't even see her on the ladder. She also felt like her autonomy to help her clients how she saw fit was being threatened.
It's so totally all in how you take things isn't it? That was no big deal for me, but for someone else it's like the end of the world.
30.6.05
26.6.05
Feeling Crazy
I'm feeling crazy. Not the good, wild kind of crazy where I could wind up with a new guy or anything. I'm feeling the anxious crazieness of someone who is worrying but really shouldn't be.
I just moved into a house this week. I was cleaning last night and discovered an unused razor blade that had been left by the previous occupant. I discovered it when it sliced through my thumb. It was a deep cut and bled more than I would have liked. I ran from the bathroom to get a wet paper towel and wrapped my hand in it. Then I sat down on the ground, held my hand above my head, applied pressure to the cut, and kick my feet up over the side of the bathtub. There was a lot of blood and I was taking no chances. I had to make sure every part of my body possible was above my heart.
Several red papertowels later, the bleeding stopped. I didn't have alcohol or neosporin so I washed out the cut with antibacterial soap and then put on a bandaid and a lot of medical tape.
Today, I stapled one of my fingers. I was only prepared for the amount of blood I saw today because of the razor incident last night . Although, this time I was at work and the papertowels were a lot farther away. When I came back to the room I was setting up I saw a trail of blood down the hallway.
Tongiht I was telling my Dad what happened and he asked if I was going to get a tetanus shot. I had one last year. I'm getting conflicting information. I used to hear every time you get a bad cut, get a shot, but I also see only get the booster every 5 to 10 years so I don't develop an alergy to the vaccine. What the fuck?
Sorry, but now I'm going to worry that I'll be one of the 100 people who will develop tetanus in the US this year, while worrying that if I do go get a tetanus shot it'll be more than I can afford, and I'm totally annoyed that I don't have health insurance.
I'm worrying a lot about this. I'm worrying more than is normal. I'm aware of it, but it's not helping. Nothing helps. I feel like I am going nuts. I'm just anxious. Although, writing is sort of making this better. Writing is such a wonderful thing, it's therapy without the bills, available any time, and almost always helps.
I just moved into a house this week. I was cleaning last night and discovered an unused razor blade that had been left by the previous occupant. I discovered it when it sliced through my thumb. It was a deep cut and bled more than I would have liked. I ran from the bathroom to get a wet paper towel and wrapped my hand in it. Then I sat down on the ground, held my hand above my head, applied pressure to the cut, and kick my feet up over the side of the bathtub. There was a lot of blood and I was taking no chances. I had to make sure every part of my body possible was above my heart.
Several red papertowels later, the bleeding stopped. I didn't have alcohol or neosporin so I washed out the cut with antibacterial soap and then put on a bandaid and a lot of medical tape.
Today, I stapled one of my fingers. I was only prepared for the amount of blood I saw today because of the razor incident last night . Although, this time I was at work and the papertowels were a lot farther away. When I came back to the room I was setting up I saw a trail of blood down the hallway.
Tongiht I was telling my Dad what happened and he asked if I was going to get a tetanus shot. I had one last year. I'm getting conflicting information. I used to hear every time you get a bad cut, get a shot, but I also see only get the booster every 5 to 10 years so I don't develop an alergy to the vaccine. What the fuck?
Sorry, but now I'm going to worry that I'll be one of the 100 people who will develop tetanus in the US this year, while worrying that if I do go get a tetanus shot it'll be more than I can afford, and I'm totally annoyed that I don't have health insurance.
I'm worrying a lot about this. I'm worrying more than is normal. I'm aware of it, but it's not helping. Nothing helps. I feel like I am going nuts. I'm just anxious. Although, writing is sort of making this better. Writing is such a wonderful thing, it's therapy without the bills, available any time, and almost always helps.
23.6.05
Loving my blog and my clean kitchen
I cleaned my kitchen today, disinfected it really. It took me forever. First, I had to take the shelves out of all the cabinents, then I had to bleach the cabinents, the shelves, and the drawers. Once that dried, I contact papered the shelves and drawers. I didn't get to the bottom cabinents because I ran out of contact paper. Next, I cleaned the counter tops and the closet. Last, the floor.
Then, I got to the really fun part. I put dishes away, and put my food away. I'm so excited to have my kitchen put away. I'm so excited to have it clean. I also ran the dishwasher. The sink backs up when it runs. It regurgitates what just went down the drain and since the last thing down the drain was the bleach water I used to clean the cabinents, that was pretty foul.
So, I just had texas toast for dinner. I'm thinking about cherries next but I wanted to check in, and possibly sleep.
Then, I got to the really fun part. I put dishes away, and put my food away. I'm so excited to have my kitchen put away. I'm so excited to have it clean. I also ran the dishwasher. The sink backs up when it runs. It regurgitates what just went down the drain and since the last thing down the drain was the bleach water I used to clean the cabinents, that was pretty foul.
So, I just had texas toast for dinner. I'm thinking about cherries next but I wanted to check in, and possibly sleep.
22.6.05
What it feels like to write
I decided I should write again after talking to a friend of mine on the phone. She said that she has her own blog now, and that she likes to write. I decided after the trauma of moving, that I'd try anything.
In the Peace Corps, one of the doctors (who was a hottie by the way), said that journaling is really healthy and it's almost exclusively an American thing. People in most other countries don't do that. I thought that was pretty cool. Of course it would be an American thing really. Wanting to capture every moment of your life because it may be important, and other people will care about it. No one else is that arrogant.
Thinking of how foreigners view Americans... Remember the line in Finding Nemo about the diver taking Nemo for his tank. 'Stupid humans, thinking they own the ocean' or something. And then the other fish says "yeah, but it was an American". I saw Finding Nemo in the theater and I absolutely loved this line. It made me laugh out loud but I think it sailed over many people's heads.
In the Peace Corps, one of the doctors (who was a hottie by the way), said that journaling is really healthy and it's almost exclusively an American thing. People in most other countries don't do that. I thought that was pretty cool. Of course it would be an American thing really. Wanting to capture every moment of your life because it may be important, and other people will care about it. No one else is that arrogant.
Thinking of how foreigners view Americans... Remember the line in Finding Nemo about the diver taking Nemo for his tank. 'Stupid humans, thinking they own the ocean' or something. And then the other fish says "yeah, but it was an American". I saw Finding Nemo in the theater and I absolutely loved this line. It made me laugh out loud but I think it sailed over many people's heads.
My longer absence and why moving sucks...
I have been away forever. I have missed you.
Yesterday, I moved into a condo in Minneapolis. It was stressful. It's still being stressful actually. I still have to move an office chair, an arm chair, a foot stool (ottoman for those of you who didn't grow up in Cincinnati), a bicycle and my bed. Mostly I'm dreading my bed since I haven't worked out how to move it.
Moving is stressful. I got into the condo with a carload of cleaning supplies. It's a good thing I did because no one has lived here in about four months and it's foul and disgusting in here. Mostly the cabinents and closets need attention because the wood has turned white there's so much dust on it. I only just got started cleaning when Kelly called me to pick her up from the bus stop. When I got to Kelly, Amanda called me and asked if we could have dinner first. At this point, I was really starting to freak out, as all big moves make me do. But luckily, Amanda and Kelly kind of took charge of the evening. It was a relief because I was about to have a nervous breakdown.
Why would I have a nervous breakdown? This is the question my mother asks me. Seriously... Well, it's just the way I am for one. Secondly, I think moving and things are too much on my senses at once. It's a lot of dirt which I have issues with, a lot of grime, there's a different smell to this place than where I lived before, different noises, different parking... Everything. So, it's just information overload and it's all I can do not to freak out.
The different parking line made me realize I have to go move my car... I'll write more later.
Yesterday, I moved into a condo in Minneapolis. It was stressful. It's still being stressful actually. I still have to move an office chair, an arm chair, a foot stool (ottoman for those of you who didn't grow up in Cincinnati), a bicycle and my bed. Mostly I'm dreading my bed since I haven't worked out how to move it.
Moving is stressful. I got into the condo with a carload of cleaning supplies. It's a good thing I did because no one has lived here in about four months and it's foul and disgusting in here. Mostly the cabinents and closets need attention because the wood has turned white there's so much dust on it. I only just got started cleaning when Kelly called me to pick her up from the bus stop. When I got to Kelly, Amanda called me and asked if we could have dinner first. At this point, I was really starting to freak out, as all big moves make me do. But luckily, Amanda and Kelly kind of took charge of the evening. It was a relief because I was about to have a nervous breakdown.
Why would I have a nervous breakdown? This is the question my mother asks me. Seriously... Well, it's just the way I am for one. Secondly, I think moving and things are too much on my senses at once. It's a lot of dirt which I have issues with, a lot of grime, there's a different smell to this place than where I lived before, different noises, different parking... Everything. So, it's just information overload and it's all I can do not to freak out.
The different parking line made me realize I have to go move my car... I'll write more later.
13.3.05
This is yet another picture from out in the middle of Africa. The village we are in is called Chikanda. The city it's nearest to is called Dedza which is about 15k away. It's a short bicycle ride in the dry season, a near impossible ride in the wet season. Dedza is a city in the southern part of Malawi, right where Zambia and Mozambique border on Malawi. In fact you can see Mozambique in this picutre. (The people who obviously aren't Malawian are other Peace Corps volunteers.)
I just have to get this out...
Ok, so I have a roommate at home. My roommate has been seeing this guy for a week, and now he's staying over like every night.
Laying aside any and all moral judgements that could be made, I don't want extra people staying here because it's another person to compete with when I want into the bathroom. This seriously annoys me.
It's not *as bad* on the weekends, although yesterday they woke me up much earlier than I would have liked, because it was the one day I could sleep in the whole week.
I can tell this is going to be a fun coversation to have with the roommate. Grr....
Laying aside any and all moral judgements that could be made, I don't want extra people staying here because it's another person to compete with when I want into the bathroom. This seriously annoys me.
It's not *as bad* on the weekends, although yesterday they woke me up much earlier than I would have liked, because it was the one day I could sleep in the whole week.
I can tell this is going to be a fun coversation to have with the roommate. Grr....
8.3.05
Playing on the computer
Not much to report here lately.
I've been playing on the computer a lot lately. I recently downloaded Firefox and fell in love with it almost instantly. I thought I'd give peace a chance and try other free browsers and see if I liked them better. I tried Opera tonight but uninstalled it rather quickly off my computer.
I really liked the skin that Opera has, but I didn't like the interface and the graphics. Go Firefox.
I also tried to download the blogger google toolbar for firefox but that didn't work so well, or at least it didn't have all of the buttons predicted. I'm kind of bummed about that and don't really know how to fix it. Although the one button that I wanted is on there, the highlight button.
If you've never used it, you can search something in google, click on a web page it gives you, and then click the highlight button. It will highlight your search terms each time they appear on the page so when you're looking for something random and obscure, it's easier to find on a text-heavy page.
Not much else to report here.
Later
I've been playing on the computer a lot lately. I recently downloaded Firefox and fell in love with it almost instantly. I thought I'd give peace a chance and try other free browsers and see if I liked them better. I tried Opera tonight but uninstalled it rather quickly off my computer.
I really liked the skin that Opera has, but I didn't like the interface and the graphics. Go Firefox.
I also tried to download the blogger google toolbar for firefox but that didn't work so well, or at least it didn't have all of the buttons predicted. I'm kind of bummed about that and don't really know how to fix it. Although the one button that I wanted is on there, the highlight button.
If you've never used it, you can search something in google, click on a web page it gives you, and then click the highlight button. It will highlight your search terms each time they appear on the page so when you're looking for something random and obscure, it's easier to find on a text-heavy page.
Not much else to report here.
Later
7.3.05
My long absence
I have been long absent from the blog. Sorry about that. I didn't get any emails, so I'm sure no one was too sad with me away.
I've been super busy at work, which is not fun for me or my clients because I can't help them as much when I have 50 other people calling me.
I'm still waiting to hear about grad school. It'd be nice if I knew what was going on this year.
I have had so much to say lately and now it's just all gone... Nothing... I'm totally empty.
I'll have to stop here for now and write more as I think of it.
I've been super busy at work, which is not fun for me or my clients because I can't help them as much when I have 50 other people calling me.
I'm still waiting to hear about grad school. It'd be nice if I knew what was going on this year.
I have had so much to say lately and now it's just all gone... Nothing... I'm totally empty.
I'll have to stop here for now and write more as I think of it.
14.2.05
I have been in rare form lately
I think coming back from vacation has been rough on me because I have been a bit grumpy lately.
Really, I came home from FLORIDA and landed in a snow storm in MINNESOTA. Who can blame me?
Really, I came home from FLORIDA and landed in a snow storm in MINNESOTA. Who can blame me?
13.2.05
Drinking with the Aunties, a sequel to Talking While Drunk
This happened last Wednesday actually, but it's such a good story that I'm going to tell as much of it as I can from memory.
I was down in Florida with the aunties and we were hanging out at the club's pool, the big one. It looks really nice. We ate around 10am, left the house and walked to the pool around 11am, and didn't start drinking until 4pm or so. By the way, all I ate was an English muffin.
I went over to the bar with one of my aunts and we ordered four long island iced teas (for the aunts) and a margarita for me. After waiting forever, the drinks were finally done and we went back to the pool to imbibe.
The aunts took one sip of their drinks and thought they were going to die, or possibly be too drunk to walk home. And then it came out that we didn't leave the guy a tip, because my aunt thought he took too long. So another couple of aunts went back to the bar and told the guy she came back "because we realized me cheap ass sister forgot to leave you a tip" and also could they have a couple more cups and some coke to mellow out the iced teas. Little did the aunt know that I was the one who paid and I am too young to be any of their sisters.
By this time I had finished drinking the margarita. I have a tendency to drink margaritas too fast, which is a habit I hope to correct one day. The report was that the bartender was out of the big cups you need to make the drinks so he put the same amount of liquor into a smaller cup with less coke, so it was basically five shots of alcohol and a sip of coke that he had given them.
So they all started pouring out the alcohol and adding more coke, and giving me the left overs of what they poured out. I was already happy from the first drink, so this was just ridiculous. One of the aunts had two drinks and said her teeth were numb. (Lightweight.)
The really fun part came when we had to walk home from the pool. I could almost sort of walk in a straight line. Then a friend from Minnesota called me. One of my aunts was asking if I could walk and talk on the phone at the same time. I almost sort of could.
The second I got in the door I called her. It was lucky that this particular friend called, because she has been known to play drink and dial with me, so I really felt that she owed me. Also she was about to go to Guatemala and I'm watering her plants for her now. So she gave me the advice of put bread in your stomach.
Because I was embarrassed that I was drunk with the aunties I wanted to sober up as soon as possible. So I went and found pretzels. I went out to the pool which all the aunties were in to eat the pretzels. They all kept swimming up to me with their mouths open so I could *hand feed* them pretzels. I was really starting to sober up but I thought at the time I was just getting more drunk.
I was down in Florida with the aunties and we were hanging out at the club's pool, the big one. It looks really nice. We ate around 10am, left the house and walked to the pool around 11am, and didn't start drinking until 4pm or so. By the way, all I ate was an English muffin.
I went over to the bar with one of my aunts and we ordered four long island iced teas (for the aunts) and a margarita for me. After waiting forever, the drinks were finally done and we went back to the pool to imbibe.
The aunts took one sip of their drinks and thought they were going to die, or possibly be too drunk to walk home. And then it came out that we didn't leave the guy a tip, because my aunt thought he took too long. So another couple of aunts went back to the bar and told the guy she came back "because we realized me cheap ass sister forgot to leave you a tip" and also could they have a couple more cups and some coke to mellow out the iced teas. Little did the aunt know that I was the one who paid and I am too young to be any of their sisters.
By this time I had finished drinking the margarita. I have a tendency to drink margaritas too fast, which is a habit I hope to correct one day. The report was that the bartender was out of the big cups you need to make the drinks so he put the same amount of liquor into a smaller cup with less coke, so it was basically five shots of alcohol and a sip of coke that he had given them.
So they all started pouring out the alcohol and adding more coke, and giving me the left overs of what they poured out. I was already happy from the first drink, so this was just ridiculous. One of the aunts had two drinks and said her teeth were numb. (Lightweight.)
The really fun part came when we had to walk home from the pool. I could almost sort of walk in a straight line. Then a friend from Minnesota called me. One of my aunts was asking if I could walk and talk on the phone at the same time. I almost sort of could.
The second I got in the door I called her. It was lucky that this particular friend called, because she has been known to play drink and dial with me, so I really felt that she owed me. Also she was about to go to Guatemala and I'm watering her plants for her now. So she gave me the advice of put bread in your stomach.
Because I was embarrassed that I was drunk with the aunties I wanted to sober up as soon as possible. So I went and found pretzels. I went out to the pool which all the aunties were in to eat the pretzels. They all kept swimming up to me with their mouths open so I could *hand feed* them pretzels. I was really starting to sober up but I thought at the time I was just getting more drunk.
6.2.05
Palm Trees are the best trees ever
I'm in Florida. It's supposed to snow in Minnesota.
I love palm trees. That's all I'm sayin...
I love palm trees. That's all I'm sayin...
28.1.05
A Very Personal Decision
A friend was telling me about a housing program in New York City, possibly called Pathways. I'm not sure. Anyways, the program targets homeless adults who have a mental illness and usually some sort of CD issue as well.
The program provides housing and services to these individuals but does not have any requirements for individuals to stay in housing. The program doesn't even require tenants to stop using alcohol or drugs.
I know it sounds crazy, but seriously. It's like the most successful and also one of the most cost efficient programs there is. It sounds great to me for two reasons.
First, choosing to stop using alcohol or drugs is a very personal decision. No one else, not a housing program or church or even family, can use a stick and carrot that makes someone want to stop. When to stop is a unique decision and only the person can make it. This program seems to embrace the "everyone has their own timing, everyone has their own answers" philosophy which I think is very valuable.
Second, the program also seems to be based on the idea that there is value in helping people. There's value in helping people who can't participate in society in regular ways like holding a job or being sober through the day. The value of helping someone isn't what they can achieve with the help. The value of helping someone with an MI/CD issue isn't seeing them sober and in recovery. The value of helping someone who is unemployed isn't seeing them get a job. The value of helping someone, anyone, is helping them.
It's a tough thing to get your head around. The value of doing the job isn't the results, it is the job. (Possibly this is easier for process people to grasp, but again, maybe I'm just really different.) Once you can get your head around that philosophy, everything is much more successful because it changes your definition of success and achievement.
The program provides housing and services to these individuals but does not have any requirements for individuals to stay in housing. The program doesn't even require tenants to stop using alcohol or drugs.
I know it sounds crazy, but seriously. It's like the most successful and also one of the most cost efficient programs there is. It sounds great to me for two reasons.
First, choosing to stop using alcohol or drugs is a very personal decision. No one else, not a housing program or church or even family, can use a stick and carrot that makes someone want to stop. When to stop is a unique decision and only the person can make it. This program seems to embrace the "everyone has their own timing, everyone has their own answers" philosophy which I think is very valuable.
Second, the program also seems to be based on the idea that there is value in helping people. There's value in helping people who can't participate in society in regular ways like holding a job or being sober through the day. The value of helping someone isn't what they can achieve with the help. The value of helping someone with an MI/CD issue isn't seeing them sober and in recovery. The value of helping someone who is unemployed isn't seeing them get a job. The value of helping someone, anyone, is helping them.
It's a tough thing to get your head around. The value of doing the job isn't the results, it is the job. (Possibly this is easier for process people to grasp, but again, maybe I'm just really different.) Once you can get your head around that philosophy, everything is much more successful because it changes your definition of success and achievement.
Revisiting the "Why Be Less?" Idea
I have been thinking the past few days about how strange my life really is. I can usually tell that my life is strange in other people's reaction to the choices I've made.
Really, I have made a few unorthodox choices, and it's usually because I value a different reward that most people do. I'm in AmeriCorps right now, so I obviously don't value money all that much. The second year of AmeriCorps is changing that view right now. But still, most people have a strange reaction to working 40 hours per week for sub minimum wage.
I am trying to think of the other things I've done that get a strange reaction. Studying bats, but that's for a whole different reason I think.
Anyways, the more I talk about my experiences the clearer it becomes that most people have different values than me. I usually try to do what makes me smarter, what makes me feel better. I rarely opt for things that give me more money, make me look better, or make me popular. It's funny how ok I am with being different really.
Anyways, I was looking at Marianne Williamsons Quote of the Day blog, and she had a couple of nice quotes up, one for today and one for yesterday about that very idea. Not being less to fit in, being what you are supposed to be and not being scared to not fit in.
Really, I have made a few unorthodox choices, and it's usually because I value a different reward that most people do. I'm in AmeriCorps right now, so I obviously don't value money all that much. The second year of AmeriCorps is changing that view right now. But still, most people have a strange reaction to working 40 hours per week for sub minimum wage.
I am trying to think of the other things I've done that get a strange reaction. Studying bats, but that's for a whole different reason I think.
Anyways, the more I talk about my experiences the clearer it becomes that most people have different values than me. I usually try to do what makes me smarter, what makes me feel better. I rarely opt for things that give me more money, make me look better, or make me popular. It's funny how ok I am with being different really.
Anyways, I was looking at Marianne Williamsons Quote of the Day blog, and she had a couple of nice quotes up, one for today and one for yesterday about that very idea. Not being less to fit in, being what you are supposed to be and not being scared to not fit in.
27.1.05
Your Bad Attitude is Killing Me
I was listening to someone I work with today complain that she made less money than some of her other colleagues. Then I asked her if she could take some appointments for me one week in February when I will be out of the office. She opened up her planner and the week was completely empty. Then she told me to go ahead and cancel the appointments because she didn't want to take the meetings.
This coworker is the only other person there is who could have done these meetings. It's fine that she doesn't want to do them, because in her words, she might have other appointments by then. These are my appointments and my responsibility.
Then we were talking about a follow up support group and she was saying that no one was going to do anything, all we were going to hear was excuses and she didn't want to put the effort forth. "They will say this this and this, and nothing will happen. I've done this before." She doesn't want to put in the effort if the participants aren't going to put the same effort in.
And it was then that I realized, it's not her fault, she just has a horrible attitude. She's also a very outcome oriented person. I am totally not. I am almost 100% a process person. It's unusual in my field, any field really to be so process oriented. It's ok though because I wind up with a much better attitude. There's value in what I do. There's value in my putting effort into someone even if they don't return the effort. There's value in my putting effort into someone even if they don't ever achieve the outcome we were aiming for.
I work with this girl more than anyone else and it's been very interesting because we're almost total opposites. She's an extrovert and I am totally not. She's a feeler, I'm a thinker. She's very polychronic and a multitasker. I am the anal rententive one thing at a time type girl. She can feel attacked easily and doesn't often ask for help. I tend to have this self esteem that sings "I'm rubber, you're glue" all day and things don't bother me so much. She's very loose in how she finishes things and doesn't ever like to solidify details. I need to have all the details checked off so that I know I'm done. And she is an outcomes person while I am a process person.
There's value in the process and the whole process needs to happen. There's value in me taking part in the process even if the outcome is not my own. Another person's apathy toward the process or the goals doesn't devalue my own effort. My effort has value just existing.
So, I've been frustrated because I'm having trouble convincing others of that. How do you convince someone that there efforts were worthwhile when they help get someone a job and that person quits three weeks later? Their efforts were worthwhile. How do you show them that? The problem is that there's nothing there to touch, you just have to believe that what your doing is worthwhile. It's a very strange thing.
This coworker is the only other person there is who could have done these meetings. It's fine that she doesn't want to do them, because in her words, she might have other appointments by then. These are my appointments and my responsibility.
Then we were talking about a follow up support group and she was saying that no one was going to do anything, all we were going to hear was excuses and she didn't want to put the effort forth. "They will say this this and this, and nothing will happen. I've done this before." She doesn't want to put in the effort if the participants aren't going to put the same effort in.
And it was then that I realized, it's not her fault, she just has a horrible attitude. She's also a very outcome oriented person. I am totally not. I am almost 100% a process person. It's unusual in my field, any field really to be so process oriented. It's ok though because I wind up with a much better attitude. There's value in what I do. There's value in my putting effort into someone even if they don't return the effort. There's value in my putting effort into someone even if they don't ever achieve the outcome we were aiming for.
I work with this girl more than anyone else and it's been very interesting because we're almost total opposites. She's an extrovert and I am totally not. She's a feeler, I'm a thinker. She's very polychronic and a multitasker. I am the anal rententive one thing at a time type girl. She can feel attacked easily and doesn't often ask for help. I tend to have this self esteem that sings "I'm rubber, you're glue" all day and things don't bother me so much. She's very loose in how she finishes things and doesn't ever like to solidify details. I need to have all the details checked off so that I know I'm done. And she is an outcomes person while I am a process person.
There's value in the process and the whole process needs to happen. There's value in me taking part in the process even if the outcome is not my own. Another person's apathy toward the process or the goals doesn't devalue my own effort. My effort has value just existing.
So, I've been frustrated because I'm having trouble convincing others of that. How do you convince someone that there efforts were worthwhile when they help get someone a job and that person quits three weeks later? Their efforts were worthwhile. How do you show them that? The problem is that there's nothing there to touch, you just have to believe that what your doing is worthwhile. It's a very strange thing.
26.1.05
Why I Love Firefox
I go to the Cool Site of the Day most days. A couple days ago they had the sixteen best freeware programs listed on the cool site. One of them is a web browser called Firefox. They were hyping it up as this web browser that's supposed to be a lot better than internet explorer.
Well, I was bored at work today and thought I'd give it a shot. I am so happy that I did. The biggest problem I have with my computers at work is that they are old and take forever to load programs. The coolest thing about firefox is that you can have different web pages on tabs in one window so I don't have to open internet explorer fifty times to get something done.
I also downloaded some other programs. Spybot is one I've had before, Ad-aware from lavasoft is one I've read a lot about but you have to make sure you don't get a bum copy that actually is adware. I also installed this free virus scanner called AVG which is supposed to be really good.
On the downside of fire fox, some web pages can't be viewed correctly on it. Kelly's blog is one of them. Also, when editing in yahoo mail, you can only use the text editor and not the spiffy enhanced text editor with colors and sizes and things. Still I am much happier with firefox. It opens web pages much faster and has some other cool little options.
Well, I was bored at work today and thought I'd give it a shot. I am so happy that I did. The biggest problem I have with my computers at work is that they are old and take forever to load programs. The coolest thing about firefox is that you can have different web pages on tabs in one window so I don't have to open internet explorer fifty times to get something done.
I also downloaded some other programs. Spybot is one I've had before, Ad-aware from lavasoft is one I've read a lot about but you have to make sure you don't get a bum copy that actually is adware. I also installed this free virus scanner called AVG which is supposed to be really good.
On the downside of fire fox, some web pages can't be viewed correctly on it. Kelly's blog is one of them. Also, when editing in yahoo mail, you can only use the text editor and not the spiffy enhanced text editor with colors and sizes and things. Still I am much happier with firefox. It opens web pages much faster and has some other cool little options.
25.1.05
24.1.05
Free Association
I keep seeing this on Kelly's blog, so I thought I'd give it a try. It's a free assocation game.
When I see... I think.....
Material World Gold
Satin sheets Moody Blues
Blizzard Minnesota
Real estate Land
Dress up Shoes
Wesley Crusher
Robber Dressed in black
Saliva Band
Slave Black
Shift Car
When I see... I think.....
Material World Gold
Satin sheets Moody Blues
Blizzard Minnesota
Real estate Land
Dress up Shoes
Wesley Crusher
Robber Dressed in black
Saliva Band
Slave Black
Shift Car
Running for Political Office
I was just thinking, in my car driving some where today... Yes, I work hard... Anyways, I was thinking that at some point in my life, I imagine when I'm old and looking for one final career move, that I would like to run for public office.
I was just thinking that this blog could come back at that point to bite me in the ass, because I basically say whatever I want on here. And I have said some pretty inflammatory things. (See, "killing is not ok, even when the government tells you to.")
I think that when my generation and especially the one after me starts running for public office we're going to start to see some of these blog scandals of things people wrote when they were 23 and too stupid to know any better.
I was just thinking that this blog could come back at that point to bite me in the ass, because I basically say whatever I want on here. And I have said some pretty inflammatory things. (See, "killing is not ok, even when the government tells you to.")
I think that when my generation and especially the one after me starts running for public office we're going to start to see some of these blog scandals of things people wrote when they were 23 and too stupid to know any better.
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