Drinking with the Aunties, a sequel to Talking While Drunk

This happened last Wednesday actually, but it's such a good story that I'm going to tell as much of it as I can from memory.

I was down in Florida with the aunties and we were hanging out at the club's pool, the big one. It looks really nice. We ate around 10am, left the house and walked to the pool around 11am, and didn't start drinking until 4pm or so. By the way, all I ate was an English muffin.

I went over to the bar with one of my aunts and we ordered four long island iced teas (for the aunts) and a margarita for me. After waiting forever, the drinks were finally done and we went back to the pool to imbibe.

The aunts took one sip of their drinks and thought they were going to die, or possibly be too drunk to walk home. And then it came out that we didn't leave the guy a tip, because my aunt thought he took too long. So another couple of aunts went back to the bar and told the guy she came back "because we realized me cheap ass sister forgot to leave you a tip" and also could they have a couple more cups and some coke to mellow out the iced teas. Little did the aunt know that I was the one who paid and I am too young to be any of their sisters.

By this time I had finished drinking the margarita. I have a tendency to drink margaritas too fast, which is a habit I hope to correct one day. The report was that the bartender was out of the big cups you need to make the drinks so he put the same amount of liquor into a smaller cup with less coke, so it was basically five shots of alcohol and a sip of coke that he had given them.

So they all started pouring out the alcohol and adding more coke, and giving me the left overs of what they poured out. I was already happy from the first drink, so this was just ridiculous. One of the aunts had two drinks and said her teeth were numb. (Lightweight.)

The really fun part came when we had to walk home from the pool. I could almost sort of walk in a straight line. Then a friend from Minnesota called me. One of my aunts was asking if I could walk and talk on the phone at the same time. I almost sort of could.

The second I got in the door I called her. It was lucky that this particular friend called, because she has been known to play drink and dial with me, so I really felt that she owed me. Also she was about to go to Guatemala and I'm watering her plants for her now. So she gave me the advice of put bread in your stomach.

Because I was embarrassed that I was drunk with the aunties I wanted to sober up as soon as possible. So I went and found pretzels. I went out to the pool which all the aunties were in to eat the pretzels. They all kept swimming up to me with their mouths open so I could *hand feed* them pretzels. I was really starting to sober up but I thought at the time I was just getting more drunk.