running

I ran 2.5 miles today. According to Google maps almost all of my running route is up hill. Should I be worried about that?

I also started running with music. I think I breath much better when I have music. It actually slows down how I breathe. Although today I though, "oh crap, what's going to happen at the end of August when I try to run a 5k without headphones? That should be interesting.

Right now I'm working on creating a better list of songs that I can jog and listen to. Anyone have any suggestions?

I remember now

The other thing I was going to write about: After I ran this morning, I came back and opened up yahoo, and saw the most disturbing headline ever.

I have several thoughts about this story

• It's a centuries old prank not likely to go away, although my favorite version of said prank was on an episode of M*A*S*H.
• A portable toilet costs $2,000? Really?
• There's an International Portable Toilet Association?
  
• And why does a person keep old busted up biffies? Will they be antiques one day?
  

coming back

It's funny that my last blog entry was about other people not posting when I haven't posted in two weeks.

Here's some random thoughts from this week:

• I was watching CNN last night and they were talking about Isreal bombing Lebanon and the weaponry and so on. And then CNN showed a graphic of the kinds of missels and how far into Lebanon they could go. And the graphic was from Google Earth. All I could think was, "are we seriously using Google to point out possible air strike targets? I don't think that's what it was intended for."
• I thought of something this morning that I totally wanted to write about and was way more important than Google Earth. If I remember what it is, I'll write about it.
  

blog absentees

I am sitting at home (hee hee) wondering where Amanda and Kelly are because neither one has written anything for a while. I'm getting sad and lonely without their posts. The other day Kelly mentioned something about blogger not letting her post. While I've had this problem once or twice, it seems to be a much more common occurence for Kelly. Anyone know what that's about?

I ran today, around Lake Nokomis. I ran for twenty mintues, took a .5 mile walk and then ran the last .5 miles at a quicker pace than I typically run. I was totally encouraged that I could run for a while (like 5 minutes) at this new faster pace, but when I walked around the lake again, after running I noticed some disturbing things about distances and my pace. Basically I am the slowest runner alive. I run like a 12 minute mile and that's being generous. So then I started freaking out about just how long it's going to take to run a 5k. I really don't want to be the last person who finishes the race. Although, looking at last year's results a 12 minute mile isn't unheard of.

Anyways, I was totally excited about how well I was doing this morning and then I got all discouraged once I realized where I would like to be in running and where I am.

things I learn when talking to the parents

First of all, notice how I typed that title to avoid any snide remarks from either snide remark maker #1 or snide remark maker #2.

Anyways, I was talking with my mother tonight about her coming up in September. Basically it's hard for me to go home and this summer I'll make it 3 times in 8 weeks. It's hard to go home for many many reasons. Here are some of them:

1. It's hot and the air conditioning can leave something to be desired. Really I just desire for them to turn it on and leave it alone.
2. I have to take time off of work (both jobs) which means I'm not earning money.
3. It actually costs me money to go home, driving or flying.
4. I get bored easily when I'm home. Both my parents still work so when I'm home I'm not the center of attention all of the time and that's a problem.

And yet, I'm still making it home three times. So it aggravates me to no end and hurts my feelings when my Mom says, "I don't know if I can come to see you in September because I don't know what I'll be doing." Bite me. Is it wrong that I feel this way?

But later she said, to further increase my guilt trip, "at some point I'm just going to have to say I can't take these exams [for the PhD] because there's just too many other things that come up." Bite me. It's four days that you know about far in advance. And one of those days I'll be in school in the morning which is a nice chunk of study time.

I remembered something else she's always saying to me about the OCD, which is that she can control her thoughts and thereby not freak out about everything like I have a tendency to do. This conversation is just further proof to me that she's not as good at that as she'd have me believe. I'm sure she's out of her mind anxious about these exams. I know how I get when something big like that is looming over me, lest we all forget what I was like last year when I moved into the condo. There's no amount of controlling my thoughts that will help with the anxiety gnawing at my stomach and making it impossible for me to consume solid foods. I'm sure that's how she feels about her exams. I know how she gets when she has to take tests.

Anyways, my feelings are still hurt that she wont just suck it up and committ to coming to see me. However, I do feel more aware that when she tells me it is possible to control my thoughts (therefore if I'm still anxious and have OCD it's my fault because I'm not trying hard enough), that's not completely true. It's not as true and she would have me believe.

funny spam

I got one of the best spam email subject lines ever today: Inebriation research is the winner. I marked it as spam and didn't open it, but I was tempted.

Running and pools

I woke up this morning and ran around Lake Nokomis. I'm still on week 4 of the couch potato plan. I actually threw in an extra three minute run at the end because I made the walking break between the second 3 mintues/5 minutes of running longer. The thing about running around Lake Nokomis is there's a stop light at Cedar Ave that impedes my progress but the little part of the lake that's on the west side of Cedar Ave is my favorite part of the whole run.
When I got done running I decided to walk back to my car and get my gatorade and then walk around the lake and enjoy the sunshine. I could only do this because I had taped my arches and my feet didn't hurt. I have a slight shin splint in my right leg but other than that I am doing amazingly well.

When I got home I got in my suit and jumped in the pool. I very quickly climbed out of the pool because it is freezing cold. I sat in the sun for a while and read and now I'm enjoying the air conditioning.

the problem of being bored

The problem of being bored is that I tend to want to do stuff, much like being hyperactive. Anyways, I want to go to Ikea and there's no one to go with me right now. This is the thing about not working normal hours but having friends who do. I could shop alone at Ikea, which let's be honest would be no fun, or I could sit home and think about shopping at Ikea. Recently, Kelly got a new drawer divider that looked cool. I guess it's a silverware holder. Anyways, mine is plastic and belonged to my Grandmother, I'm just saying...

The second problem is that I have less than my normal amount of money right now with plane tickets and trips home and laptop batteries so I guess it's good that no one can come to Ikea and play with me right now. Although, Amanda is feeling hyper. She might go with me...

screaming kids

Recently I've noticed a lot of screaming children around me. Especially at places like Target and ball games and restaurants. I don't know what it is but always these screaming kids. I'm always troubled by it. I think I'm picking up on the kids' emotions that go with having a total meltdown and not enjoying it.

I was at Target tonight and this little girl was going absolutely nuts in the shopping cart and it hit me: If I ever have kids, this is how they will act because this is how I acted as a kid. So here I am, trying shop and listening to this kid scream through Target for a long time and throw things out of the cart (which is really kind of funny now that I think about it) and then out in the parking lot where the lady just let the kid sit in the cart and continue to freak out. Then something else occured to me: If I were a parent, I would have given that kid way more consequences that this lady was giving her. Seriously, when I was a kid if I was bad, like the very second I did something I heard, "no TV tonight" and if I kept it up, "no TV tomorrow" and the next night and so on. Eventually I had to stop myself.

It's totally sad that a six year old having a meltdown in Target made me feel better. This kid had no one to set boundaries for her, which obviously she couldn't do herself. No one to give her any cues that freaking out is not ok. This lady just sat there and let her. She may have cried herself out eventually (or perhaps they're still standing there) but there were no consequences for her behavior, nothing to make her think she shouldn't do it again other than it feels lousy and kids don't understand that. So this poor lady and her kid really made me feel better in a sick "I-could-totally-do-that-better" kind of way. (I take back the "I could do it better" comment because who needs to tempt fate by putting that out there?)

I never knew this

Well, given who my friends are, this seems important to know. See what happens when I don't check my "how-to" of the day for a little while?

ugh

Driving is Wisconsin is hell.

'Nuff said.

Things I learned today

The things I learned today

1. My Dad is a t-shirt snob. He will only play tennis in 100% cotton shirts. He refuses to play in blends because they are too hot. This is sad because, as mentioned before Mom and I hit paydirt at the Jockey Outlet and one of the Father's Day presents we got him was a workout shirt that is all polyester. Ann said that Uncle Dave wont run or play tennis in anything else, so at least we got an outside endorsement that they are cool.
2. It's really hot here. Perhaps I've already mentioned this once or twice... a minute... all day... every day.
3. I love Skyline.
4. I have lots to do at work when I get back and I need to remember to do it all.
   

wierd day

I had a very strange day yesterday. Mom and I went to the Jeffersonville Outlets. I hit paydirt at the Jockey store. My bras and underwear (which are usually super expensive) were $3.99 each. Randomly, my aunt Ann was shopping at the same set of outlets so we saw her for a while. It was toally wierd running into her there considering she lives like 45 miles away in the other direction.

Second and definitly more weird, Mom and I watched this movie called What the Bleep Do We Know. It's about quantum physics. It totally creeped me out. My Mom said she's never met anybody who could see it only once because it's so complicated. We are talking about quantum mechanics here. For example, did you know that

1. Even in atom (the most basic unit of whatever), there is mostly space between electrons and protons and neutrons. Atoms are mostly space yet we perceive our environment as solid.
2. Our eyes and our brain will only see what it knows can exist. So if our brain doesn't know something can exist, our eyes will not see it. When Colombus sailed to the Carribean islands, the indians there couldn't see his ships because they didn't know a clipper ship could exist, even though the indians could see the ripples in the water and the wake left by the ships.
3. In labs accross the US scientists have been able to make objects that are visible the the naked eye appear in two places at once, raising questions about the famous "I can't be in two places at once" line.

My "Love Languages"

Well, since Kelly did it, and I've heard Amanda talk about it, I decided to take the Five Languages of Love Test.

Here are my results:

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Acts of Service
with a secondary love language being
Physical Touch.

Complete set of results

Acts of Service:		10
Physical Touch:		9
Quality Time:		6
Words of Affirmation:		5
Receiving Gifts:		0

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

Apparently, I don't like receiving gifts, which is not really true. I just think of gifts as like an "act of service" since some of the nicest things people have given me have been related to acts of service. For example,
Kelly and
Amanda gave me a gift certificate to Ikea which I loved but it was related to the hours upon hours they spent helping me move and clean. It was really an extension of their service (in cleaning and keeping me from going insane which is like trying to keep dirt off a sidewalk somedays).

Related to my five languages of love, what did I get my parents for Mother's Day/Father's Day...

1. A book called The Three Questions which I gave them last time I was here.
2. I washed the curtains in the kitchen and breakfast nook.
3. I bought a squeegie and a bucket.
4. I used the squeegie and bucket to wash the windows since the curtains were already down.
5. New cell phones. Not my brightest move.
6. I finally got the new microwave out which I gave them two years ago. They are now forced to use this one.
7. I helped my Dad carry the old microwave out the curb. Turns out in Cincinnati it can be thrown away with the regular trash.

While 1,3, and 5 are actualy gifts, washing the curtains was perhaps the biggest "act of service" and possible the most meaningful.

My Day of Rest

Yesterday I ran... more even that was scheduled on the Couch Potato Plan and the I played lots of tennis with Kao. She actually taught me how to serve. So now it's 9:30 on a Friday morning and I am sitting in my hamock.

I have to work later today (1-5) at the museum and tonight (6-12a) at the aquarium.

Tomorrow will be another day of rest but I may actually excercise and pack my car that day...

Also, I was doing laundry a couple of days ago. There I was in the laundry room sorting loads for the dryer and a neighbor who I've (sadly) never seen before comes in to get his laundry. He was in shorts with no shirt. I think I may have inadverntently growled when I saw him.

The Never Ending Story: My Bathroom

(again)

New updates for my bathroom:

1. After some drilling and several broken drill bits (sorry Kelly) my cabinet doors all properly open and close. One or two of those drill bits are permanently lodged in my vanity by the way. I hope that's not a problem.
   
2. After learning to use a hacksaw, I have now properly installed all of the drawers in my vanity. They too open and close properly. No drill bits were harmed in this portion of the day. I've also got to say, I'm very impressed with how easy the hacksaw turned out to be. I thought I'd still be sawing that metal track in two.
3. The towel rack (and towels) are back on the door. They look good.
4. A dark green shower curtain may be more of a challenge than I had first anticipated.
5. The hole in my ceiling is still there, and still gaping by the way.
6. The paint on my tub and floor is still there.
7. I got a shelf and drawer for under the vanity. Very nice. Can't wait to put them in.

I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel on this one. Bathroom redecorating is a long long tunnel.

the weekly call

I called my parents tonight for the weekly Sunday call. My Dad answered and says, "We're eating right now. We'll call you back on a conference call."

What?!?

Who the hell are you and what have you done with my real parents? The ones who just got cell phones last week? The ones who still don't know how to operate the DVD player? The ones who swore to my face that the microwave that's twenty years old (and takes 10 minutes to pop popcorn if it pops at all) isn't it dead?

I must have called the wrong house becuase I got the parents who can operate their new cell phones well enough to make a conferece call.

hm....

Well this is interesting. I'm not sure which disturbs me more. That two college students didn't understand there's no oxygen in a helium baloon, or that there is a Compressed Gas Association.

The Never Ending Story: My Bathroom

Since the begining, the things I have done to the bathroom

1. Taken everything out of it
2. Scraped paint off of the walls and ceiling (not my favorite job)
3. Two coats of kills over the areas where paint was scraped
4. Tried to patch a hole in the ceiling, I have spackle and I need joint compound. Let me know if you know what that means.
5. Removed the medicine cabinet and found even more razor blades. Whoever thought it would be a good idea to dispose of them behind the medicine cabinet clearly never had to replace a medicine cabinet.
   
6. Picked out paint colors. (Thank you Kelly)
7. Taped. Between the tile, the sink, the shower and the doors, my bathroom is all edges.
8. Painted the walls yellow. (Again, thank you Kelly)
9. Took the door off of the hinges.
   
10. Took the drawers and cabinet doors out of the vanity.
11. Sanded the drawers, cabinet doors, vanity, door and door frame. (Again, not my favorite job although not quite as bad as scaping paint).
    
12. Painted the fronts of the doors and cabinets yellow.
13. Painted the vanity blue.
14. Painted the door.
15. Painted the door frame.
16. Used Killz on the bottom inside of my vanity. It was foul, it needed it.
    
17. Installed the medicine cabinet. (I really thought this was going to be my least favorite job and it wasn't traumatic at all.)
18. Replaced the doorknob on the door. Note to Kelly, had the same problem we had last time. I missed your help.
19. Put in new hardware on the cabinets and tried to install them. Note here that I say tried. While the hinges fit the doors, they no longer close properly and I'm not sure what to do about it. Again, call me if you know.

Things I still need to do to my bathroom:

1. Make the cabinets close properly.
2. Touch up lots and lots of paint chips.
3. Put my towel rack back on the door.
4. Get a dark green shower curtain.
5. Patch my ceiling. (See number 4 above).
6. Put everything back in the bathroom. (I actually cannot wait to do that one because it means that both my bathroom and my bedroom will be clean again.)
7. Fix the track to one of my drawers. Anyone good with a hacksaw?
8. Clean paint off the walls, the tub, the sink and the floor.
9. Clean dirt and grime out of the bathroom.
10. Get a new shower curtain liner.
11. There must be more. Right now I'd be happy if my cabinet doors closed properly.
    

What I learned from the Wise Man, the Fish, the Bats, the Bear, the Snake and the Elephant

At the conference I attended, one of the workshops was on Shamanic Healing and Shamanic Journeys, and my Mom recommended I go. So the facilitator explains what a shamanic journey is and says, "We're going to do a little practice. I recommend going down, so pick a place in nature and find a hole in that place in nature and go down it and see what you see." And then she started drumming...

I was walking up and down Boone Hollow to a cave I love, aptly named Hell's Hole. It's really name is Miller's Pit #2. I went to the torpedo tube and crawled along my belly until I got to the breakdown room / skylight room in the cave. This is a cave I know well. In the breakdown room, I went under a huge slab of rock that I'd always wanted to investigate but never had.

Under there was a little wise man with a bald head and a white cloth. He was in a room in the cave with a big fire. The fire wasn't for warmth, it was for light. I knew the man was a kind man, so I asked him, "why do you live down here?"

He replied, "This is my safe place." It made sense to me, although it seemed like he could get lonely.

I asked him, "How can I make my heart not hurt for Malawi anymore?"

He looked at me and said, "let's go see the fish."

We went out into the cave and up into the potholes in the waterfall which are a gorgeous shade of blue. We went over to the side and through a small hole in the wall and into a small room with still water. In this little room lived a large cave fish. I asked the fish, "why do you live here?"

He replied, "This is my home. It is my safe place."

I asked him, "Don't you get lonely?"

He said, "I am connected to the water, and water is all over the earth. Everything that is in the water, all of the sharks and corals and fishes, and everything that touches the water, all the
tree roots and deers bending over to drink, is connected to me. I am not lonely because I am connected to everything."

I asked the man again, "How can I make my heart not hurt for Malawi?"

He said, "Let's go see the bear."

We went out of the room and back over the waterfall to the skylight room and flew up into the skylight. On the way up I touched the worms and the ferns and the damp soil and said hello. When we got to the top of the skylight thousands of bats flew out of the cave around me. I asked the man, "they live here, why do they leave?"

He told me, "This is where they sleep. It is not their safe place. You are their safe place."

Wow. Really. That's exciting. I've worked with bats and studied them and cared for them. One of the bats told me, " You are our safe place because of your kindness and gentleness you show all living creatures." The rule in my house is 'all life has value'.

The bats flew away in broad daylight and a bear came running at me. It was running and growling. I stood still and it ran until it's nose was at my nose and I could feel its breath blow my hair as it roared in my face. The man asked me, "Why did you stand still when this bear was running at you?"

I replied, "It is a good bear. Even though it was running at me and growling, it is a good bear and does not wish to cause harm." The bear walked away.

Again, I asked the man, "How can I make my heart not hurt for Malawi?"

He said, "Let's talk to the snake. Most people think that snakes are evil and you yourself have seen poisonous copperheads at this cave. But you know that snakes are not evil. Don't you?"

I said, "Yes, snakes are clever and wise." I knew that because I worked with some kids who taught me what they thought about snakes. Now when I see snakes, I think of them with those kids views, they are clever and lucky.

I asked the snake, "How can I make my heart not hurt for Malawi?"

The snake said, "Your heart is heavy because you do not share the burdren."

I thought about what he said. Someone else once told me that I was weighed down because I didn't think about sharing the load. She was talking about something else when she said that to me. But I do talk about Malawi and how things were there and what I learned. I realized that I only talked about it with people in my life right now and not the people who were in my life in Malawi.

I liked the fish in the water, so I decided to become a drop of water. I went into Boone Hollow creek and first into Hells Hole and then into Casecade Cave as a drop of water and looked around. I even went up the waterfall and into Casecade the hard way. Then I came back out into Boone Hollow, down to the Mississippi and out into the ocean. I crossed the Atlantic ocean, went into the ground water and came out of the water pump in Mpalale, my old village. I came out just like a cartoon person comes out of a faucet.

I spent time with the people in my village in Mpalale and realized I lost contact with them because I didn't know what to say, or how to explain why I left across the language barrier. Then I realized, to that family I could say, "God told me to go back home. And God told me to write you a letter now" and it would make all the sense in the world. I love that culture. So I spent some time in that village and then realized I needed to go to Linyangwa village in Kasungu, the place I was supposed to have lived. When I got there I was standing out in an open field and an elephant was running towards me. The same elephants I had been afraid would tear me limb from limb when I was in Kasungu, or all of Malawi really. It was running towards me and when it got to me, it hugged me with it's trunk. It hugged me so hard my feet came off the ground. And then I went back to the village and saw the people who would have been my family and neighbors, and the woman who was my friend and we sang and danced. I always loved the singing and the dancing. It was my safe place. I looked around my old house but it made me sad so I went back to the singing and the dancing and the people I had only known a day or two and back to the music. In Malawi, singing is really the only way to worship god. To this day, it's the most pure honest form of worship I have ever seen or heard. And then it was time to leave and travel in my head back to the present in Waterloo, Ontario.

Cool, huh?