things I learn when talking to the parents

First of all, notice how I typed that title to avoid any snide remarks from either snide remark maker #1 or snide remark maker #2.

Anyways, I was talking with my mother tonight about her coming up in September. Basically it's hard for me to go home and this summer I'll make it 3 times in 8 weeks. It's hard to go home for many many reasons. Here are some of them:

1. It's hot and the air conditioning can leave something to be desired. Really I just desire for them to turn it on and leave it alone.
2. I have to take time off of work (both jobs) which means I'm not earning money.
3. It actually costs me money to go home, driving or flying.
4. I get bored easily when I'm home. Both my parents still work so when I'm home I'm not the center of attention all of the time and that's a problem.

And yet, I'm still making it home three times. So it aggravates me to no end and hurts my feelings when my Mom says, "I don't know if I can come to see you in September because I don't know what I'll be doing." Bite me. Is it wrong that I feel this way?

But later she said, to further increase my guilt trip, "at some point I'm just going to have to say I can't take these exams [for the PhD] because there's just too many other things that come up." Bite me. It's four days that you know about far in advance. And one of those days I'll be in school in the morning which is a nice chunk of study time.

I remembered something else she's always saying to me about the OCD, which is that she can control her thoughts and thereby not freak out about everything like I have a tendency to do. This conversation is just further proof to me that she's not as good at that as she'd have me believe. I'm sure she's out of her mind anxious about these exams. I know how I get when something big like that is looming over me, lest we all forget what I was like last year when I moved into the condo. There's no amount of controlling my thoughts that will help with the anxiety gnawing at my stomach and making it impossible for me to consume solid foods. I'm sure that's how she feels about her exams. I know how she gets when she has to take tests.

Anyways, my feelings are still hurt that she wont just suck it up and committ to coming to see me. However, I do feel more aware that when she tells me it is possible to control my thoughts (therefore if I'm still anxious and have OCD it's my fault because I'm not trying hard enough), that's not completely true. It's not as true and she would have me believe.