I'm having issues

I'm having issues with my "borrowed" internet connection.

There are some wireless networks around me that are not secured so I have been enjoying them. However, the sketchyness of the wireless network accessability tonight has made me know that I soon will need to call and get road runner for myself, sad though it may be.

Otherwise, today was good. I worked a lot and then had dinner and played Rummy 500 with Amanda. Here, I'd like to say hi to a girl called Heidi who was in the peace corps with me and taught me said game. I wooped Amanda's rear end, so thanks for teaching me.

At this point, I'm having pangs of wishing I had stayed in Africa, but writing about going crazy in Africa and why I left is for another night.

I Tried Job Coaching

I was supposed to job coach today. The person I was supposed to coach couldn't do her job, the person she was supposed to take care of wasn't home. So that was my latest brush with job coaching. I think tommorow is the day the hammer may actually drop though.

I transfered another person I was working with so I'm starting to loose my clients. It's only a little bit sad. I'm also getting excited to get done.

After work I came home and sat by the pool. Then I went to this informal owners meeting in the condo. That was pretty interesting if only because it sucked so bad. There are people who I've noticed are really good advocates for their position, and people who work well in groups. I am a colaborater. I think that we shoudl do whatever is best for the group. I accept that may not always mean I get the best deal. But, I am part of the group and whatever is best for the group is ultimately best for me as well.

I'm learning that people like that are hard to recognize in this assocation. I haven't found anyone else like that really. I don't know if it's cause they're not here or they're not active or they're hard to recognize. I wish another one would show up though.

The other thing about that meeting is that it felt a little bit "behind the back" of the board which is not ok with me. It seems like if people have concerns about the board then they need to bring them up to the board members. It's hard to do because the board can get defensive and things can go not so well.

So, if you're a collaborator and looking to buy a condo in Minneapolis, let me know. I need another collaborator to get my back in some of these things.

Mom's whirlwind visit

Mom left today around 5pm. We had quite a week.

The first day or so was rough, but after that, I decided to have a good time.

We went up to the outlets at Albertville and bought a table and chairs and a couch. The couch gets delivered next Wednesday, no one knows about the table and chairs. I got two nonstick pans at the correlle store. (I love correll dishes.) She got a bra. We also went to Ikea, which is really an experience and I recommend to anyone going anywhere near Minneapolis and the Mall of America.

After that, we went into sightseeing mode. I was done with shopping. We took a bus over to the St. Paul campus of the University of Minnesota and walked around. Then we rode over to East Campus and had lunch. Then we took a bus to a train to the Mall of America and went to the aquarium there, Underwater Adventures. Then at night we ate at El Norteno where I wont be going back for a long time. We had a pretty bad time service wise but a nice time visiting with each other. Two of my friends came for that meal as well.

Today we hung out. I gave Joyce the keys to the old place and got the last of my mail. I haven't got any mail at the new place though which is starting to worry/annoy me.

After Mom left, I read a book, did laundry, and sat by the pool and read a book. I also got a call from a friend who's mother was just diagnosed with skin cancer. They don't know how bad it's going to be yet, but I think she's pretty worried.

I'm also reading a book called Good in Bed which, well, two of my friends loved it. I am still on the fence. There are things that I like about it and things that I'm not too wild about at all, and I haven't decided how I feel about it. Usually I like books where there's no chance at all that those things could actually happen in real life, or at least in this lifetime, so this book is a stretch for me. I'm doing my best.

Mom's Here

There was a lot of drama getting my Mom here. Her first flight was cancelled and then it got all screwed up when she was going to get here or not. But she's here.

I always have a rough time with my parents. This was part of my thing in Africa too. It's part of the OCD thing I think. I have these thoughts like if I don't tell my parents how much I love them, if they don't know how much I love them, then something bad is going to happen. It's hard to explain, it's more of a desperate feeling than it sounds. So when I have a rough day, and get sick of being with my parents, it's scary because of these other unwanted thoughts about how I have to show them I love them all of the time.

I'm not doing this feeling justice, because I really can be calm when saying goodbye to my parents. I can do ok with being apart from them, when I'm calm. When I getscared and anxious and the OCD kicks in, it's awful because I think I have to show them how much I love them all of the time or something bad will happen.

So that's the kind of night I'm having. It's late and I have to take a shower, and then be up by 7am.

Why I Love Bananas

I was once in this group of people and one of the ice breakers was saying what your favorite food is. My favorite food, for the moment, is bananas. One of the other people in the group asked what the story was with my liking bananas. I just like them, but I think I should come up with a better story than that.

I lived in Africa once, in a tiny country called Malawi. There were bananas all over the place. The only food I really recognized from Minnesota. There was also guava and passion fruit and papaya and things like that. Those are harder to come by in Minnesota though. The other things I recognized, which are also now my favorite foods were potatoes and sweet potatoes, greens, and tomatoes which I will never like though I still check from time to time.

I'd walk home every day from the house we used as a classroom. The kids would always come running up to meet me and carry my books. I always let them. Heidi never did. I don't know why, but it was always one of those things I felt ok about, like I wasn't violating any child labor laws.

I don't know what made me think of that. I've finally been able to shop and have normal food in the house again, including bananas so maybe that is it. One day I will have to add in about the gots (mbuzi) and the cows (gnombe) and the chickens (nkuhku) running around the banana tree. And also the ants and the clay and the mud stove (chitofu cha dhoti).

sitting at the pool and other fun things

Today is the fourth of July, as my blog obviously says.

I have the day off both jobs which is exciting. Something like that hasn't happened since March when I flew home a day late and didn't have to go to either job. That was a lucky thing because I was so frazzled after getting all of my financial aid forms together in Cincinnati to have them ready to take to the U as soon as I got off the airplane.

I spent part of the day sitting at the pool and reading a book Kelly recommended called Good in Bed which is well written. I'm not that into it. I'm more reading it for Kelly and Amanda who both loved it. It's really funny, and well written as I said, but I don't like reading books about anything that could actually happen in my lifetime I guess. I'm sure that's why Harry Potter and The Lord of the Rings are my favorite books.

Right now I'm sitting on my patio enjoying the outdoors in good old Minneapolis. I have a nice courtyard to look at. I'm not sure how much longer I'll have it though. I guess they're re-doing in starting Tuesday or Wednesday.

I think my computer is freaking out now so I will go.
Have fun!

All moved and the work never ends

I thought that there would be a time when I felt moved in. A shining moment when all of my things were put away and everything was clean, and I would feel good about it. That moment hasn't come yet and I'm starting to think it never will. I am, on the other hand, starting to appreciate how the work never ends. And I live in a one bedroom condo. There's not even a yard to take care of. Thank god or I'd never do anything else.

I cleaned out two more cabinents in my kitchen and the last drawer of things that were left. Whoever had this place last didn't clean it before they moved. I've found lots and lots of other people's things here. The greatest hits list includes old cooked pasta, oatmeal, a really nice set of wrenches, gross soap covered in hair, toenails, and the razo blade that I cut myself on one Saturday night a while ago. The razor blade was really the worst. It was in the bottom of one of the drawers in the bathroom. I found it when I was wiping out the bottom of the drawer and jammed my thumb into it.

That acutally resulted in another funny story involving a friend of mine and a weird phone message.

At this point, I'm avioiding dishes. I'm at that weird point where I don't have enough dishes to ever really fill up the dishwasher... Ok, I'm out on the patio typing right now and THE LOUDEST firework I ahve ever heard just went off. All I heard was the noise, I didn't see the thing, but wow! was it loud.

People are strange

I had the wierdest experience at work the other day. It wasn't really weird, but it threw into sharp relief the difference in how I interpret information and how other people view the same information.

I was talking to a co-worker about something, and she mentioned that our COO said something about the case, basically that we shouldn't offer job coaching which is the current plan. When I heard that I thought we should talk to her about her concerns because it might point out other issues that we hadn't thought of yet. The co-worker, on the other hand, felt really attacked and scared. She couldn't say anything because it's the COO and basically we're so low we can't even see her on the ladder. She also felt like her autonomy to help her clients how she saw fit was being threatened.

It's so totally all in how you take things isn't it? That was no big deal for me, but for someone else it's like the end of the world.

Feeling Crazy

I'm feeling crazy. Not the good, wild kind of crazy where I could wind up with a new guy or anything. I'm feeling the anxious crazieness of someone who is worrying but really shouldn't be.

I just moved into a house this week. I was cleaning last night and discovered an unused razor blade that had been left by the previous occupant. I discovered it when it sliced through my thumb. It was a deep cut and bled more than I would have liked. I ran from the bathroom to get a wet paper towel and wrapped my hand in it. Then I sat down on the ground, held my hand above my head, applied pressure to the cut, and kick my feet up over the side of the bathtub. There was a lot of blood and I was taking no chances. I had to make sure every part of my body possible was above my heart.

Several red papertowels later, the bleeding stopped. I didn't have alcohol or neosporin so I washed out the cut with antibacterial soap and then put on a bandaid and a lot of medical tape.

Today, I stapled one of my fingers. I was only prepared for the amount of blood I saw today because of the razor incident last night . Although, this time I was at work and the papertowels were a lot farther away. When I came back to the room I was setting up I saw a trail of blood down the hallway.

Tongiht I was telling my Dad what happened and he asked if I was going to get a tetanus shot. I had one last year. I'm getting conflicting information. I used to hear every time you get a bad cut, get a shot, but I also see only get the booster every 5 to 10 years so I don't develop an alergy to the vaccine. What the fuck?

Sorry, but now I'm going to worry that I'll be one of the 100 people who will develop tetanus in the US this year, while worrying that if I do go get a tetanus shot it'll be more than I can afford, and I'm totally annoyed that I don't have health insurance.

I'm worrying a lot about this. I'm worrying more than is normal. I'm aware of it, but it's not helping. Nothing helps. I feel like I am going nuts. I'm just anxious. Although, writing is sort of making this better. Writing is such a wonderful thing, it's therapy without the bills, available any time, and almost always helps.

Loving my blog and my clean kitchen

I cleaned my kitchen today, disinfected it really. It took me forever. First, I had to take the shelves out of all the cabinents, then I had to bleach the cabinents, the shelves, and the drawers. Once that dried, I contact papered the shelves and drawers. I didn't get to the bottom cabinents because I ran out of contact paper. Next, I cleaned the counter tops and the closet. Last, the floor.

Then, I got to the really fun part. I put dishes away, and put my food away. I'm so excited to have my kitchen put away. I'm so excited to have it clean. I also ran the dishwasher. The sink backs up when it runs. It regurgitates what just went down the drain and since the last thing down the drain was the bleach water I used to clean the cabinents, that was pretty foul.

So, I just had texas toast for dinner. I'm thinking about cherries next but I wanted to check in, and possibly sleep.

What it feels like to write

I decided I should write again after talking to a friend of mine on the phone. She said that she has her own blog now, and that she likes to write. I decided after the trauma of moving, that I'd try anything.

In the Peace Corps, one of the doctors (who was a hottie by the way), said that journaling is really healthy and it's almost exclusively an American thing. People in most other countries don't do that. I thought that was pretty cool. Of course it would be an American thing really. Wanting to capture every moment of your life because it may be important, and other people will care about it. No one else is that arrogant.

Thinking of how foreigners view Americans... Remember the line in Finding Nemo about the diver taking Nemo for his tank. 'Stupid humans, thinking they own the ocean' or something. And then the other fish says "yeah, but it was an American". I saw Finding Nemo in the theater and I absolutely loved this line. It made me laugh out loud but I think it sailed over many people's heads.

My longer absence and why moving sucks...

I have been away forever. I have missed you.

Yesterday, I moved into a condo in Minneapolis. It was stressful. It's still being stressful actually. I still have to move an office chair, an arm chair, a foot stool (ottoman for those of you who didn't grow up in Cincinnati), a bicycle and my bed. Mostly I'm dreading my bed since I haven't worked out how to move it.

Moving is stressful. I got into the condo with a carload of cleaning supplies. It's a good thing I did because no one has lived here in about four months and it's foul and disgusting in here. Mostly the cabinents and closets need attention because the wood has turned white there's so much dust on it. I only just got started cleaning when Kelly called me to pick her up from the bus stop. When I got to Kelly, Amanda called me and asked if we could have dinner first. At this point, I was really starting to freak out, as all big moves make me do. But luckily, Amanda and Kelly kind of took charge of the evening. It was a relief because I was about to have a nervous breakdown.

Why would I have a nervous breakdown? This is the question my mother asks me. Seriously... Well, it's just the way I am for one. Secondly, I think moving and things are too much on my senses at once. It's a lot of dirt which I have issues with, a lot of grime, there's a different smell to this place than where I lived before, different noises, different parking... Everything. So, it's just information overload and it's all I can do not to freak out.

The different parking line made me realize I have to go move my car... I'll write more later.

This is yet another picture from out in the middle of Africa. The village we are in is called Chikanda. The city it's nearest to is called Dedza which is about 15k away. It's a short bicycle ride in the dry season, a near impossible ride in the wet season. Dedza is a city in the southern part of Malawi, right where Zambia and Mozambique border on Malawi. In fact you can see Mozambique in this picutre. (The people who obviously aren't Malawian are other Peace Corps volunteers.) 

This is an old picture from the apple orchard last fall. That's a friend of mine. She thinks that she looks like a koala in that coat, but really people, it's Minnesota and at some point we sacrifice fashion for warmth. 

I just have to get this out...

Ok, so I have a roommate at home. My roommate has been seeing this guy for a week, and now he's staying over like every night.

Laying aside any and all moral judgements that could be made, I don't want extra people staying here because it's another person to compete with when I want into the bathroom. This seriously annoys me.

It's not *as bad* on the weekends, although yesterday they woke me up much earlier than I would have liked, because it was the one day I could sleep in the whole week.

I can tell this is going to be a fun coversation to have with the roommate. Grr....

Playing on the computer

Not much to report here lately.

I've been playing on the computer a lot lately. I recently downloaded Firefox and fell in love with it almost instantly. I thought I'd give peace a chance and try other free browsers and see if I liked them better. I tried Opera tonight but uninstalled it rather quickly off my computer.

I really liked the skin that Opera has, but I didn't like the interface and the graphics. Go Firefox.

I also tried to download the blogger google toolbar for firefox but that didn't work so well, or at least it didn't have all of the buttons predicted. I'm kind of bummed about that and don't really know how to fix it. Although the one button that I wanted is on there, the highlight button.

If you've never used it, you can search something in google, click on a web page it gives you, and then click the highlight button. It will highlight your search terms each time they appear on the page so when you're looking for something random and obscure, it's easier to find on a text-heavy page.

Not much else to report here.
Later

My long absence

I have been long absent from the blog. Sorry about that. I didn't get any emails, so I'm sure no one was too sad with me away.

I've been super busy at work, which is not fun for me or my clients because I can't help them as much when I have 50 other people calling me.

I'm still waiting to hear about grad school. It'd be nice if I knew what was going on this year.

I have had so much to say lately and now it's just all gone... Nothing... I'm totally empty.

I'll have to stop here for now and write more as I think of it.

I have been in rare form lately

I think coming back from vacation has been rough on me because I have been a bit grumpy lately.

Really, I came home from FLORIDA and landed in a snow storm in MINNESOTA. Who can blame me?

Drinking with the Aunties, a sequel to Talking While Drunk

This happened last Wednesday actually, but it's such a good story that I'm going to tell as much of it as I can from memory.

I was down in Florida with the aunties and we were hanging out at the club's pool, the big one. It looks really nice. We ate around 10am, left the house and walked to the pool around 11am, and didn't start drinking until 4pm or so. By the way, all I ate was an English muffin.

I went over to the bar with one of my aunts and we ordered four long island iced teas (for the aunts) and a margarita for me. After waiting forever, the drinks were finally done and we went back to the pool to imbibe.

The aunts took one sip of their drinks and thought they were going to die, or possibly be too drunk to walk home. And then it came out that we didn't leave the guy a tip, because my aunt thought he took too long. So another couple of aunts went back to the bar and told the guy she came back "because we realized me cheap ass sister forgot to leave you a tip" and also could they have a couple more cups and some coke to mellow out the iced teas. Little did the aunt know that I was the one who paid and I am too young to be any of their sisters.

By this time I had finished drinking the margarita. I have a tendency to drink margaritas too fast, which is a habit I hope to correct one day. The report was that the bartender was out of the big cups you need to make the drinks so he put the same amount of liquor into a smaller cup with less coke, so it was basically five shots of alcohol and a sip of coke that he had given them.

So they all started pouring out the alcohol and adding more coke, and giving me the left overs of what they poured out. I was already happy from the first drink, so this was just ridiculous. One of the aunts had two drinks and said her teeth were numb. (Lightweight.)

The really fun part came when we had to walk home from the pool. I could almost sort of walk in a straight line. Then a friend from Minnesota called me. One of my aunts was asking if I could walk and talk on the phone at the same time. I almost sort of could.

The second I got in the door I called her. It was lucky that this particular friend called, because she has been known to play drink and dial with me, so I really felt that she owed me. Also she was about to go to Guatemala and I'm watering her plants for her now. So she gave me the advice of put bread in your stomach.

Because I was embarrassed that I was drunk with the aunties I wanted to sober up as soon as possible. So I went and found pretzels. I went out to the pool which all the aunties were in to eat the pretzels. They all kept swimming up to me with their mouths open so I could *hand feed* them pretzels. I was really starting to sober up but I thought at the time I was just getting more drunk.

Palm Trees are the best trees ever

I'm in Florida. It's supposed to snow in Minnesota.
I love palm trees. That's all I'm sayin...