Anxiety COVID

 Anxiety COVID: So, I'm going to write this now and set it to post in like, a while.

I have described my current condition as anxiety COVID 19.  For the past couple days, my heart rate has been JACKED UP when I've been running.  Like, nutso, one day it got up to 170 on a 1 mile run.  It should be much lower than that.

Oct 13 and 14, heart rate was jacked up.  Only while running.  The rest of the time things were fine, including the "recovery" after running.  (Like, it was too high, but it came down correctly.)

October 15 I had what is technically an asymptomatic COVID test for my employer. But, like, yo, I'm curious, right?  Do I have some other infection?  Is my body going nuts?  Did I get the real deal?

October 16, end of business day: I still don't have my results.  Not sure if they come on the weekend, or if I have to wait 'till Monday. I get a call if I'm positive and just an email if it's typical results.

So, I've described my current condition as "anxiety COVID".  Because, unrelated to anxiety, my heart rate should not have been that jacked up on those runs.  But, related to anxiety, I don't want to kill all my friends.  Captain Smiley hasn't seen me for a week and he feels fine.  Dungeon Master saw me about five days ago and she hasn't mentioned anything.  I won't say anything to her 'till I know for reals.  One person saw me on Wednesday on the day of the 170bpm run.  Independent of me, she was also going in for a COVID screen because she also started coughing that day. 

I don't really want this because I strongly don't want to have to tell any of my friends to get tested.

But part of me was like "what else would be true, if I had COVID and then recovered?" And, the things that'd be true are "I'd probably go home for Christmas" and "I'd probably start going to the gym this winter".  Which, I understand 'have this and then recover' is a big assumption of health privilege, access to testing privilege, and some much else. But it's been an interesting path to travel down in my head. 

Anyways, this post is being written 10/16/20 at 5pm or so.  I'm setting it to auto publish in a couple weeks.  We'll see if I remember, and if I come back and change it. 

10/17/20 - I actually got my negative test later on the 16th and was happy not to have killed any of my friends.

However, I went out for a run today and I still feel like garbage.  So, I have a regular cough?