3.10.08

A Great Day for a Meltdown... Was Yesterday

A Great Day for a Meltdown

Today was pretty bad. It was bad enough that Amanda had to tell me to leave work. I’m still trying to “make lemonade” out of the situation, although it’s getting harder to make the batches and the batches are getting smaller.

Perhaps the biggest “batch” of lemonade came when Amanda told me I could have half her wardrobe (almost literally). It was a nice moment, although it certainly didn’t help the sobbing that I was already doing.

Also, I have my nice computer and I’m sitting her in a nice, warm, safe house. My parents are visualizing all the bed bugs crawling out of my apartment. I’m trying to visualize that was well. There certainly is a lot of energy focused on my apartment at the moment.

What happened today? Well, I really thought yesterday was going to be the day I melted down. We’ll start there.

Around noon I got a call from the management company asking if I could have my unit ready for work to begin the same day around 3pm. It was a holiday for me (again, loving the high holidays) so I got straight to work and said they could come.

Right around 3:00 a nice looking young man came to my house to take everything cloth, textile, fabric or related out to get it treated. Did I mention I was literally wearing clothes I was about to throw away? So, my home hasn’t seen a handsome young man in some time and I look like trailer trash. The first thing he does is go straight for the underwear and bras. (That wasn’t even what would have caused the meltdown.)

So I left the apartment with three or four bags of my worldly possessions. I keep thinking of things I meant to take and didn’t. Contact lenses. Glasses. Checkbook. Everything I need to take to South Africa. Shoes. I wish I would have taken my air mattress. It’s not really cloth. I’m sure it didn’t have bugs. (Oh well, I’m sure Amanda is glad I was careful.)

Really trying to pack things I knew were safe and get out of there while some guy is going through everything I own was about to cause the meltdown. Did I mention I haven’t been sleeping well since I found this out on Monday night? That was not helping. So I called Amanda and begged for mercy. When I got here last night around rush hour, I went straight to sleep for a while. That was theraputic. Then I went to the gym. I didn’t really have the energy to exercise but I walked for a little while. Then I got Chipotle and beer and came home.

When I got in to work this morning I only had seven messages. I had been expecting high double digits so that was nice.

Then I called the management company. I learned that a board member who was unnamed stopped the whole process. They have my clothes. They have everything else I own that’s made of fabric. They have my curtains. There’s nothing on my windows and it’s quite easy to see into them to the empty unit with all the electronics and a brand new kitchen. But I was told that the management company assumed they were proceeding with my clothing.

I called the garment restoration company to apologize and let them know there are things I’ll need before my trip that I hadn’t put in the emergency bag which I was expecting to get back tomorrow but now won’t because someone on the board asked us to give everything we own to this company and then had second thoughts. The good news is they can get everything back to me quickly. The bad news is they can’t start while the board is dorking around so it’s not clear whether I’ll have my clothes when I need them.

Then I started thinking about how long it’s going to take them to get to the rest of my apartment like the papers, the rugs, the furniture, the mattress.

That’s about the time I lost it. I called Amanda (who was thankfully at home). I was instructed to leave work and come home. Thank goodness. Because I would have tried to stay at work. I really shouldn’t have been there.

The next batch of lemonade came from realizing that my boss is understanding and would be fine with my leaving early. It was really only about half hour early, and not even that because I hadn’t had much of a break all day.

I’ve told a few people at work what’s going on but not everyone. I’m not actually embarrassed by the situation. A few people’s response to problems is to ask me questions and to talk and talk and talk and talk and talk which I just can’t handle so I’ve been careful not to discuss it with them. I just don’t want to deal with that right now. That’s no way to pull me back from the edge.

Really now I’m just tired. I haven’t been this tired in a long time. Also, I keep not wanting to eat. No good ever comes of me not wanting to eat. Today the only meal I skipped was breakfast. I ate dinner only grudgingly.

I also watched the vice presidential debates tonight. It’s hard to be objective in a room full of people who have strong feelings about Gov. Palin. Now, their feelings were pretty much the same as my own but it did seem to impact our views. I did really wind up liking one of the candidates much more than I thought I was going to. I’m really excited to vote this fall.

We’ll just have to see what’s going to happen to me before the election. Maybe I’ll be staying on Amanda’s couch that whole time.

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